Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Things I've Learned

Things I've learned but really wish I didn't know.

1. How to remove crayon from the inside of a dryer (scouring powder preceded by a glass of wine--in you, not the dryer.)
2. How to remove silly putty from the carpet (Goo Gone)
3. How to remove little boy smells from the carpet (Urine Gone, "For pet or people accidents.")
4. How to cook Spaghetti-O's on a gas grill after a storm knocks out power for a few days (big cast iron pot)
5. How to use an Epi-Pen.
6. The only people who watch Disney Channel in the middle of the night are in the E.R. at a children's hospital.
7. If someone vomits on a pillow, just throw it out.
8. While vacationing, even though the kids don't get in the car after being on the beach you will still return home with alot of sand.
9. How to care for ants in an ant farm (they don't eat much and bury their own dead).
10. How to drop to the ground and crawl stealthily out of the room if a sleeping baby wakes up and starts to look around.
11. Yelling brothers will not wake up a sleeping newborn but Mom walking into the room will.
12. How to remove cold candle wax from the sink and garbage disposal (This is a story that I've tried to forget. Pretty sure it involved a knife or ice pick.)
13. That funky smell in your car is probably an old sippie cup. Just throw it out. DO NOT OPEN THE CUP.
14. Clean a window and 15 seconds later, a toddler will put his face on it or lick the glass.
15. Containers of leftovers that you don't remember eating should not be opened. (See #13)

All these things I know and I'm still learning how to outwit my newly four year old!